Broken Moments
by DarkToLight
Summary: He never did tell her where he was going... -GinxRangiku- -Rangiku PoV- -Spoilers-


This is my first Bleach fanfic... I bought the anime on impulse and I'm now addicted to it XD Although my favourite character was initially Byakuya (such a troubled past... And gorgeous hair *swoon*) I've recently become obsessed with Gin and his smily face ^^

Contains spoilers for the end of the Soul Society arc, don't read unless you're at book... 19 I think, and ep.30-something.

I'm vaguely aware that Gin is one of only two captains (Kaname being the other) who is actually afraid to die. I always thought that, although clearly a lot of what he does is selfish ambition and power-seeking, from his interactions with the one person he ever seemed to care about (Rangiku...) I got the feeling that he didn't completely want to do what he did. Perhaps Aizen used him in much the same way as he used Momo and the others...

**Disclaimer: **Do not own, if I did, there would be... _changes._

The sentence in the square brackets is a prompt from a list of 35 I found on deviantArt. I would link... But I can't remember the group any more *sweatdrop* sorry...

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**Broken Moments**

_[There was one chance I didn't take…]_

For as long as I could ever remember, he had been there. All smiles, his face always curved into that trademark grin, he was always just _there_.

We grew up together. We lived out in the Rukongai like so many other souls, not in one of the slum districts exactly, but we were hardly high up enough for anyone to class us as anything but slummers.

And he was always there. A smile, a wave of his hand, a cheery comment or two no matter how he was feeling. We both got hungry, neither of us ever said a word about it. But we both knew, somehow, that we were… Different.

He was the one who saved my life. I did not understand my hunger, when there were promises of a life free from it, and I had been unable to find food, and then… He appeared. He wore that smile even then, although he was more… Real. His eyes open, his smile just there for concern, as he handed me a hunk of bread.

And after that we were rarely apart. We looked out for each other as we grew – slowly, as with everything in the soul society, but we grew. We were selected for the Soul Reaper Academy together, too… And that was when he began to change, and we began to grow apart.

Even now I regret reaching out to him. He was a hotshot, a wonder boy, he breezed through the training like he'd done it all before, taking less than a month to manifest his own Zanpaku-to and only a year to complete what should take many times that. still we were together, however, until he was assigned to one of the Court Guard Squads.

Because of his talent, he held a Seated position before I had even finished my training, and by the time I held my own rank he was 3rd seat. But he had changed from the man I once knew – the smile was ever-permanent now, his eyes forever in their false show of happiness, his tone polite yet mocking, and I couldn't help but wonder what had changed him. At what point, in those many years that he had gone on ahead of me – yet still been so close to me – had he gone past the point of no return and changed from a gentle cub to a vicious, savage fox?

"Hey, Rangiku," he murmured to me, as we sat on one of the verandas outside Squad Five's main building. "You mind if I ask you somethin'?"

"Go ahead," I replied, looking out into the setting sun. "But if it's about my sake, you can't have any." He chuckled, watching me through his smiling eyes as I downed the last of said sake. It was a vice, but I never let it get in the way of my work, so it was tolerated.

"You achived Bankai yet?" He asked. The sudden, deep question took me off-guard, and I paused, gathering my thoughts.

"No," I replied eventually. "Why the sudden question?" He smirked, looking away.

"You have t'achieve Bankai to become a Captain," he replied. "They say it takes at least a decade to do it… To gain the respect of your Zanpaku-to." He glanced down at his own blade, Shinso, and sighed softly. I almost started. I hadn't heard him sigh in years – I'd thought him past that. "I'm gonna do it, Rangiku," he murmured. "And I'm gonna do it in less than ten years, y'know?" I looked at him, a querying look in my eyes.

"Why are you so desperate?" I asked him. There were so many other questions I could have – should have – asked him, but I didn't. he simply shrugged and grinned again.

"Why not?" He replied. "Why stop when you can get stronger?" He chuckled. "Captain Aizen says I can make it big, you know," he added in a low voice, and I thought I caught a hint of some other emotion in his voice, something he masked. "He says I can go all the way to the top. Says he'd like me as his Lieutenant someday."

"But you'd rather be a Captain?" I replied, misinterpereting the look in his eyes. He laughed again, shaking his head slightly.

"I wouldn't mind, y'know?" He replied. "But Captain Aizen had a talk wi' me about it…" He glanced behind him, as if afraid of something, then sighed again, and looked at me, and for a second, a fleeting, precious second, he was his old self again. "An' after I had that talk, I wasn't so sure I wanted to be in his squad any more," he admitted. I put a hand on his shoulder.

"You know you can tell me," I whispered to him, and he shook his head and moved away.

"Ne, I think I can deal," he replied, his façade effortlessly back in place. "You watch me, Ran, I'll be a Captain. You should try, too. I'll race ya. If you get your Bankai before I do, I'll buy you a month's supply of sake." My jaw dropped, then I grinned and shook his outstretched hand.

"You're on," I replied. "What about if you win?" He smirked.

"If I win?" He replied. "You ain't gotta do anything, Ran. 'Cept promise me you'll never transfer to Squad 5." I blinked.

"…Sure thing," I replied. "I wouldn't want to leave little Snowy all by himself, after all." He grinned.

"Your little kid prodigy," he agreed, turning and walking off with a wave. "See ya around!" I watched him go with a smile.

"Please, just once… Tell me what you're thinking, where you're going," I murmured.

He became a Lieutenant, and I trained myself in Bankai, wanting to win the bet I'd made. It was unlike him to be ^quite^ so generous, and sake could get pretty expensive, at least on the budget I'd been on until my promotion. Hitsugaya – the boy I'd found in the Rukongai, albeit in the first district – was fast moving up the ranks, looking set to be a Captain sometime soon, and I wouldn't have been surprised if he'd already achieved Bankai himself. I wouldn't ask him to teach me, though… This I would do by myself. It was enough that he'd rise above me quickly enough – just as before…

I started to notice some pattern in Gin's visits to Squad 10 now, although I didn't notice the defining part behind them until much later. He would visit me sporadically, but always when something fairly major was happening in his own squad, and – and this was the defining point, something that seemed insignificant, even trivial, at the time – only when Aizen was absent from the Seireitei.

"Mastered it yet?" He'd shoot in my direction when we passed on a walkway. Our encounters this way were often but brief, and all I ever managed was a mock evil look in his direction.

Rumours were beginning to spin about him now, the effect he had on people changing how he was seen. People called me a fool for associating with him, told me he was a snake – they had never known the foxcub, the boy who had risked himself to save my life by giving me all the food he had. My gentle little cub.

"Hey, Rangiku," he murmured, catching my arm. I had been promoted to Lieutenant now, for the moment, we were equals once more. "Got a minute?"

"Guess so. Got any sake?" I countered. Gin laughed and shook his head, but it didn't matter, it was a minor inconvenience.

"C'mon, I want t'talk to ya," he replied, leading me away to somewhere secluded, and – again, I only noticed this when it was too late – far away from Squad 5's HQ.

"Go on then, foxy, spit it out," I teased, and he shot me a mock glare.

"Have ya managed it yet?" He asked casually. Almost without realising, I touched the hilt of my Zanpakuto.

"...Yeah," I replied. "Three days ago." He grinned.

"Great!" He replied. "I knew you would." He smacked me on the back in congratulations. "I always knew you would, Ran… Since the day we met. Your birthday, remember?" I laughed and looked at the floor, hiding my smile.

"Only because you chose it," I reminded him. He smiled wider, and put something in my hands.

"Happy birthday, Ran," he told me softly, before standing up once more.

"Wait!" I called to him. "Don't just-" He didn't turn around.

"I'm being promoted to Captain of Squad three," he told me quietly. "They decided last week. 'parently I put on a pretty decent show for 'em. Quite the achievement for Rukongai trash, eh?" He shot me another one of his trademark smiles over his shoulder, before walking away with a wave.

"…You weren't trash… You were never trash…" I whispered at the space where he'd been, before clutching the gift tightly to me and running back to HQ. Hitsugaya didn't even have time to comment on my lateness as I rushed past him and into my own office, shutting the door and going to my desk.

He'd bought me a little wooden fox. It was beautifully carved, and it made my heart ache as I smiled. I'd always thought he hated my nickname for him, especially since some used it spitefully, but it seemed he acknowledged that I used it in affection. The card, however, seemed strange to me, at least then:

_Rangiku,_

_Happy birthday. Although I'm sure you'll forget again._

_Forgive me._

He'd signed it in his usual scrawling script, and I kept it close to me even then.

Right now, I understand it all. As the sky cracks in front of me, as the traitor and manipulator stands in front of my eyes, I can't help but wonder how I missed it. The point where things changed. Where I lost him. Gently, he pulls away from my now-weak grasp, steps forward so the light does not catch me, take me with him to hell.

"…It's too bad…" He murmurs, looking back at me as the light surrounds me. "…I wouldn't have minded being your prisoner a little while longer." He smiles, and once more, even if only for the most fleeting of moments, he is a boy again. "Goodbye… Rangiku," he murmurs. "I'm sorry." My eyes widen, my heart stands still. How did I miss it? He was always so afraid of death… So afraid. Was this what he wanted? What Aizen wanted? How much of the façade that he put up was truly him now? How much had he changed?

How had I missed his love for me?

_I hate you, you stupid man. You stupid, foolish man. I hate you because you never told me how much you were hurting… How much you hurt. When did you change?_

_But please, just promise me… Promise me that you'll come back one day…_

Gin…

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**A/N - **Please review and tell me what you thought! I'm considering delving into the world of Bleach a little more - possibly on the arty side of things as well - so please tell me how to improve if you're good at that sort of thing ^^

(And yes, technically Hueco Mundo is not hell, but it wasn't used literally, ok?)


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